Lately my body, even if my mind is stronger, starts failing me.
I have uncertainties in life. I have a lot of worries and stress but I always act cheerful and perky in front of everyone around me because it’s easier to act that way than to open up to others. I am always in pain physically yet I hold the fort in terms of my emotions and psyche.
There are moments that I do contemplate about death. On how lucky the dead are because they are no longer in pain. They don’t have to face uncertainties, they don’t have to feel emotions and physical limitations.
Yes, I do admit.
I contemplate about suicide.
There are moments that whenever I am on tall buildings and high places, I have this urge to climb up the ledge, close my eyes, spread my arms and jump down.
I am actually waiting for my medical records as I write. The urge was too powerful that I cried while looking at the view around me. As my mind swirled at the tempting thoughts of ending everything. I TURNED AND SAW THE SIGN OF PROMISE FROM GOD.
I immediately calmed down after seeing the rainbow. It seems to be speaking to me, telling me that even if I am facing dark clouds and rainstorms in the present, there will always that colorful bow that reminds me that I am loved by the people who loves me and stays with me even if I am not perfect.
The promise that If I do my very best, I will heal and I will be able to rise up above all these.
The Universe really works in mysterious ways. When you feel so low, to the point of giving up, just stop, look around, listen to the wind and read the signs sent by God (Jesus, Allah, Buddha or any divine and supreme being you believe in) or the Universe.