People were asking me why? And I would just reply, “Because I am an Uber Hero.”

Others expect me to just rest.

Others expect me to stay quiet.

Others expect me to fail.

Others expect me to die.

Why am I fighting?

Why am I not allowing my illness to dictate who I am and what I can do?

Why am I not allowing the fates to eat me away with the disease it gave me?

Why?

It’s because fighting, being a life saver, a volunteer and going to work makes me feel alive.

I have people who loves me, I have their hugs and encouragement. They see me way beyond the chronic illness and they hope for the best for me. I thank them because they push me higher, inspire me to watch out for what I eat and drink, they pray for me, they are vocal and showy on their actions of care and love for me. They make me feel happiness, contentment, acceptance and most of all, love. They are the reason why I fight and wake up everyday.

I also have very few people who dislike me, those who wished me to fail, those who wanted to see me suffer and fall. I thank them. I thank them because without them, I will not feel alive. I will not feel the emotions of anger, sadness and pain of rejection that most people feel. Most of all, I thank them because they gave me the spirit of an aggressive fighter, fighting against Systemic Lupus and fighting to prove to them that I am not my illness and I am able. I thank them because they don’t treat me like a fragile glass that needs protection and less stress just because she has a chronic illness. I also learned how to let go of people who causes me so much stress.

There were doctors in the past who would tell me negative things, instead of uplifting, they tend to tell what they deemed “terminal” to their patients. Some of which I have seen succumbed to their so called fate dictated by the medical practitioners. I encountered one and went to another doctor for a second opinion. My second doctor told me that doctors can give medicines, but those medicines won’t work if the patient is not positive about healing. Patients will not heal if they allow themselves to submit their to fates as the end and not fight back. There are times that when one knows that they are dying, they fight and smile till the end than die in despair. I will never forget what Dra. Esther Bitanga told me when she confirmed that I have a brain tumor. “I am glad you are cheerful, positive and hopeful, that’s what I want you to be in battling your trials.“

I am very much aware that all of us will die, it’s just a matter of time. But I will not let those thoughts pull me down. I do have bouts of depression, but when I feel its horns rearing towards me in any situation. I will start by saying my positive affirmations. Positive affirmations helps me calm my mind and my heart. It helped me a lot.

I love myself for who I am

I am strong and capable

My emotions matter and I acknowledge them be it good or bad

I am loved and accepted by those in my tribe.

I am not my illness.

I am a beautiful soul.

I embrace my positive and negative sides.

I take care of my body, mind and spirit.

I choose to forgive and let go.

These challenges helped me understand myself more.

I allow myself to rest when I feel weak.

In the past, I used to think that we should only think of positive, be light and avoid negativity and darkness. I realized that all of us should embrace not just the light but also the dark. The more we suppress the dark, the more we are eaten by it. Just like in being mindful, we have to embrace both our light and darkness because without light, there’s no dark and without dark,light will never shine. Just like the concept of Yin and Yang.

Studies have shown how negative responses from the doctors whom patients trust have a huge impact on a patient’s survival. One of my cardiologists mentioned that they encountered one patient who was told negatively about his heart, he had a bypass surgery and he was negative about it, everything went well during the operation but he died few hours later. After that, they mentioned to fewer bypass candidates whose cases were somewhat grim but they were told about how they should look forward to a healthier heart and life after the operation, they are promised that will be able to travel again and enjoy life, those patients survived. We do know how risky a bypass surgery is, the mortality rate seems below the average but those patients whom they were able to positively encourage no matter how grim the truth of their situation, they were able to survive the surgery.

I am currently working for Uber and I am glad I do. I’ve never seen a company who takes care of all their employees well. They accept diversity, they believe in equality and most of all, they believe on their differently abled employees like me who keeps on fighting and won’t be limited by any diseases or disability no matter what. My company helps me live, keeps me alive and most of all, helps me with my medical needs. Uber taught me resilience, Uber taught me to save lives. That’s why I am grateful.

I know that sometimes I have flare ups from my illness but practicing mindfulness helps me and saying the sentence, “I am an Uber Hero”. Helps me in picking myself up and numbing the extreme physical pains.

Article also posted in www.malachitecontessa.com

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