It’s been a while since I’ve written something. Life’s been busy during the last quarter of 2020. There were a lot of changes in my life. Changes that entails huge impacts in my life – losing toxic people, gaining new friends, reconnecting with old friends after losing friends and family members due to the pandemic, getting lupus flare up, contracting covid, getting job burn out, but most of all, losing track of who I used to be.
It took someone to remind me of how I’ve forgotten about the things I used to enjoy and he got me thinking deeply….when did I lose myself? When did I lose the motivation to do the things I loved the most?
Covid really changed our lives. I used to hug friends and family all the time, but since the start of the pandemic, I only get one or two hugs a month vs. the daily 10 to 12 hugs a day. I used to hang out with my friends, checking make ups, hanging out in museums, bookstores, coffee shops and trying new cakes in restaurants and cafes. I missed face to face classes, face to face doctor visits, face to face interaction with people without the restrictions of a face mask and face shields and constant spraying of alcohol and sanitizers. Will we go back to how life used to be?
Lucky for me, when I got covid with all the full symptoms, I was able to pull through, unfortunately for me, the after effects are still there and exactly after getting healed and cleared from covid, I got lupus flare. It’s nasty how my body reacted, weeks of really bad cough, aching full body joints, constant headaches, dizziness and recurring infections. My psyche also suffered a blow because I gained moon face from the after effects of higher steroid doses to manage the pain, it affected my self confidence and my thoughts. I know it’s not just me but also almost everyone suffered from this pandemic, loneliness, uncertainty, fear and anger seeped in not just to me but almost everyone.
Physical, mental, spiritual and psychological clutters starts piling up. One by one, I lost myself, swimming into the sea of cluttered things, unfinished hobbies, cluttered thoughts and most of all cluttered feelings. It’s so easy to get lost, then wallow into sorrow and fear, luckily, with another person’s help I was able to slowly see my way out of the clutter again. Slowly he picked me up and made sure that on every single time I bring myself down, he reminds me of how I used to be. When I was confused, hopeless and angry, he helped me analyze the situation and made me realize that most of my fears and worries are actually simple. Whenever we feel hopeless, helpless and confused, reach out to someone or anyone you can trust. Sometimes we rely on ourselves too much that we forget our own importance when we are already panicking. Sometimes it also helps to see things from other’s perspective to realize and jolt us back to ourselves and remind us of what we are capable of.
The clutter in my life is still there, there are times I clean up and times I trash my own space again but then, life’s easier knowing someone cares and understands you deeper than you expected. We all have clutters in our lives, it might take time to clean them up but sometimes, the clutter opens our eyes on how we can organize our life, it also helps us realize that we have someone too to help us clean the spots we missed in trying to organize.
Thank you, C/P, for opening my eyes and see things from your Point of view.
Author's Diary Author's Life Daily stuff life Musings, thoughts and dreams Non-fiction The Author's musings (Dreams) Uncategorized anger clutter covid covid19 fear hobbies life loneliness lonely losing Lupus perspective things thoughts trash uncertain uncertainty understanding work
Multi-conscious, Sensual, Intuitive and a follower of Goddess Inanna
A woman who values life in a higher divine level than the materialistic level of life.
Loves volunteer works for Non-Government organizations that supports life, animals, nature and spiritual growth.
Currently in a quest to achieving Multi-Dimentional Consciousness.